Tuesday, September 4, 2012

The Top 20 Hot NCAA Football Coaches Rankings

(After hours of research and googling images of every NCAA FBS head coach, I have determined the top 20 most handsome head coaches.  This was much more fun than I ever thought it would be.  Off we go!)

1.  Gene Chizik (Auburn) - The winner of this contest is none other than Gene Chizik.  Sure, you can call me biased (which I am) but he brought me a national title, therefore making him 130% hotter than before.  He can rock my War Eagle world any time he wants!

2.  Urban Meyer (Ohio State) – He’s a weasel but he is a fine looking weasel.  I just hope that Big Ten teams don’t start pumping noise into their stadiums.  Urban Meyer does not like that.

3.  Gary Pinkel (Missouri) – Pinkel came very close to winning this contest and if a shirtless picture of him ever surfaces he will be hard to beat for the top position.  In fact, if any one that can find a shirtless picture of Pinkel, please send it to me.  I think I love this man.

4.  Danny Hope (Purdue) – A man’s man.  Just LOOK at that wonderful salt and pepper mustache!  (Question:  Is it a requirement for Purdue’s football coach to have a mustache?)  My friend Neil took some good action shots of Coach Hope during the Wisconsin-Purdue game last fall.

5.  Les Miles (LSU) – The HAT!  And look at that tan body!  He would be higher except I get the feeling he waxes his chest.  That’s no good Cajun Boy!

6.  Kyle Flood (Rutgers) – The man who took over for Greg Schiano (who would be on this list had he not jumped to the NFL) makes me want to take the train down to Piscataway and spent some time in the Rutgers’ coaches lounge. 

7.  Tony Levine (Houston) – For all the hair he lacks on top of his head he more than makes up for with those arms and, I am guessing, chest.  WOOF!

8.  Mark Richt (Georgia) – The last few years, Richt has thoroughly disappointed me by wearing a shirt during his annual high dive.  Instead, I am stuck with a few pictures from years past.  I guess that will due but, Coach, if you want to be higher, less shirt and more skin!

9.  Kyle Whittingham (Utah) – Coach Whittingham beats Bill Henrickson from Big Love as the Hottest Mormon Male.  Now, let’s try to get him to go the Bill Henrickson route and show your ass every five seconds.  The Mormon women would be fainting.

10. Paul Rhoads (Iowa State) – Former Auburn assistant and current Iowa State head coach Paul Rhoads takes up the first spot in the Top Ten.  (Unfortunately for him, this is probably the only top ten he will ever be in.)  Paul should really stay away from the goatee look though.

11. Larry Fedora (North Carolina) – This hot man has been said to lift weights with his players.  Can some player take video of that to confirm?  We would be very happy.

12. Derek Dooley (Tennessee) – The quite unpopular coach of the Vols might not last long on this list if he continues to have 5-7 seasons and doing the unthinkable: losing to Kentucky.  He does, however, pull off the orange pants.

13. Bob Davie (New Mexico) – He sucks at coaching and is even worse at announcing.  He should be thanking the stars that he is at least attractive. 

14. Steve Addazio (Temple) – PURE HOT DADDY!!!!  If Addazio and Danny Hope of Purdue ever had a shirtless wrestling match, I am pretty sure my head would combust.

15. Dave Clawson (Bowling Green State) – The Mack Daddy of the MAC.  Clawson makes the list as an unknown until a little Google image search turned up his pictures.  I am looking forward to BGSU appearing on those random Tuesday night ESPN games.

16. Mark Hudspeth (Louisiana-Lafayette) – The head of the Ragin’ Cajuns makes the only appearance for the Sun Belt conference.  He gives me a raging something and it isn’t a Cajun.

17. Jeff Tedford (California) – In my perverted dreams, I can only picture Tedford as one of those guys who walks around Berkeley’s campus completely nude.  Please don’t kill my dreams.

18. Troy Calhoun (Air Force) – He would become a top ten pick if it comes out that he is also a fighter pilot.  Until then, he will have to settle for the top twenty.

19. Doug Marrone (Syracuse) – The salt and pepper hair put Marrone into the top twenty over other competitors like Bob Stoops, Kirk Ferentz and Rich Rodriguez.  Now that he made this list, he will try and do something practically impossible: make Syracuse football interesting.

20. Nick Saban (Alabama) – It pains me to put him on the list but the little munchkin has a sex appeal that I have found interesting since his days at Michigan State.  Sometimes things come in very small packages.  Let’s hope that his height is the only thing small about him.


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