Friday, June 21, 2013

Top 10 Most Handsome Hockey Coaches

The Stanley Cup Finals are down to the best of three after four exciting and brilliant games.  (Go Hawks!)  Due to that, I thought now would be the best time to look at the coaches who could melt the ice with just a smile.  Here are your Top 10 most handsome hockey coaches!)

10.  Dallas Eakins - Although his name makes him sound like a bad guy straight from a Clint Eastwood movie, Mr. Eakins is actually the newly named head coach of the Edmonton Oilers.  That glaring stare would be able to keep any one warm on a cold Alberta night.  Now Oilers' fans hope he can take them back to their glory days of the 1980's.  Of course, Chevy Chase also wishes the same thing for himself.

9.  Bob Hartley - The coach of the Flames barely beats out his Alberta province counterpart and rival above.  It came down to personal choice.  Give Eakins a few more years to mature and he might be higher than Hartley.  I wonder if I visited Alberta I could have them both over for dinner?  That would definitely enlighten MY "flame".  (See what I did there?  Okay, that was bad.  Never mind.)

8.  Dan Bylsma - The coach of the Penguins is the youngest coach (42) honored enough to make this list.  His contract was just renewed despite an all out choke job in the playoffs this year.  His glasses make him look distinguished but his body say "Yes, I work out.  Wanna feel?"  Expert points to Dan for having to put up with the cry baby that is Sidney Crosby without slapping him across the head.  

7.  Alain Vigneault - The newly hired coach of the New York Rangers has to step up his game as he leaves the comfort of the riots of Vancouver to the streets of Broadway and Madison Square Garden.  He has the looks but does he have the charm?  We will find out.  He has big shoes to fill of a man farther down on this list.  

6.  Nelson Ayotte - This buff good looking man is the strength and conditioning coach for the St. Louis Blues.  If he was my trainer, I would be more inclined and ambitious to get to the gym every day.  After a good workout, let's say that Nelson and I lather each other up and have some fun pumping each other.

5.  Jon Cooper - Not to be confused with the former football coach of the Ohio State Buckeyes, Mr. Cooper is in charge of bringing the excitement and upholding the historical tradition of hockey in Tampa Bay.  Okay, so maybe that isn't that hard but I am definitely taking in a Lightning game next year just due to this guy's looks.  Front row behind the home bench please!

4.  Tom Renney - Current associate coach of the Detroit Red Wings and former head coach of the Canucks, Rangers and Oilers, Tom brings the salt and pepper action to the ice each and every night.  Glasses on or glasses off, he exudes the same sexiness of J. Peterman from Seinfeld.  I would definitely travel to Burma and spend a bunch of time mediating with him.

3.  Joel Quenneville - This mustached hunk of specimen has the Chicago Blackhawks in the Stanley Cup Finals for the 2nd time in 4 years.  He has brought the 'stache back to levels it hasn't seen since the days of Magnum P.I.  A personal favorite of mine, I just want to be wrapped up in his huge paws and lick the crap out of that facial hair.  Maybe we could do this while the Stanley Cup watches this summer, eh Joel?  (UPDATE: That Stanley Cup dream can come true!  Great job Blackhawks!)


2. John Tortorella - Just fired by the New York Rangers after years of quick playoff exits (and not exactly getting along with the media), this fiery man has been on my radar for quite some time.  His temperament may be off-putting but I bet he brings that same attitude to the bedroom.  I am hoping he gets picked up by a team this off-season so he doesn't disappear from my television viewing.  Otherwise, John, you can come live with me!  (UPDATE: Torts has been named the new coach of the Vancouver Canucks.)

1.  Tom Anastos - SURPRISE!  The most handsome coach in hockey is a college coach and DEAR LORD WHAT A MAN!  I have nothing to say.  He makes the rest of this list look like wannabes.  If I could ice skate, I would definitely attend one of his camps.  Well, that's enough writing from me, let's just look at the man!

"Why yes Young Andy Rooney, I WILL take your question now."

James Bond in a tuxedo looks ridiculous compared to this guy


I would have spent all day in that costume to be able to take this picture with him.  

No make-up should be require for this guy.  He is perfect just the way he is!

"I would like to announce my engagement to Young Andy Rooney.  We are very much in love."

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